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Was it really love?

They were in love madly. They were not aware of the world around them. They used to meet daily and go on long drives, holding hands while listening to romantic songs. It kind of became a daily ritual for them to drink and go on drive. One Saturday evening as usual he asked her to get ready and said he would be there in 10 mins. She was ready and they left for the long drive. As usual listening to romantic songs, holding hands and forgetting the fact that there exists a world beyond them and their love. He drove for half an hour and suddenly stopped outside a famous disc. She wasn’t dressed for the party but he insisted her to attend it. There was another reason which only she was aware of. She knew that the skeleton in the closet come outside at night to party. She was adamant that she won’t get down but he insisted because he realized the reason behind her hesitation. He thought she was scared and didn’t want the world to know about them which was not the issue. She was just not ready to face the past. They stood outside and argued for good 30 minutes as in why she should go and she replied with the same answer that she wasn’t dressed for the party and would feel out of place. He finally gave her a choice to either go inside with him or get down and leave for her place which was really far. She was drunk and still got down and left. While leaving she kept on looking back hoping that he would come to stop her and show some concern/courtesy as she was drunk but he didn’t. She kept on turning around while leaving but he didn’t come to stop her and drove past her. She hired an auto and left for her place at around 1 am.That was the last time when she waited for him for so long. Next day she finally moved on.

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We chat

First of all I’m so glad that indiblogger came up with this unique and interesting idea by including fictional as well as dead people in the group. Yes, we have our idols and we often dream of meeting and talking to them and sometimes its people who left the world and you regret that you didn’t spend much time with them and you had so many things to talk and ask about. Well! Let’s start with the five people I’d like to chat with and what.

The first person I would like to chat with is my father. It’s been long since we’ve spent some quality time together. We are not in the same city and that’s the reason I miss talking to him so much. Wechat definitely sounds a better idea to chat with him for long. I would like to talk to him because he’s the first man I’ve deeply fallen in love with. I don’t think I can love anyone as much as I love him. My dad is so special and important because be his loving, fun, and encouraging. I still remember saying that I’d only get married if he finds someone like him for me
We would talk about my childhood days. How he used to take me along with him on sites during my holidays. All that pampering as a kid. We would talk about the stories he used to tell me and the made up incidents he often used to talk about just to make me happy. I’m not very expressive so I would express myself and tell him how much he means to me and my life is incomplete without him. We’ll talk about politics, Bollywood, mom, siblings and everything under the sun.

The second person I would like to chat with is my youngest sister and my best friend too. Wechat is a boon for people like us who can go on and on talking for hours. If you believe in concept of soul mate then she’s definitely my soul mate. I want to talk to her because its been a couple of months since I met her. Also, she’d hear everything without judging and would support and encourage me for everything even if it’s wrong which is not usual. She’s always supportive and never overreacts no matter what I tell her. I want to sit with her, talk about stupid things and laugh like a mad person unless got scolded by mother. She’s the one I turn to every time I need an ear. I can be myself with her and share every damn thing from the books I’ve read to the new shade of nail paint I bought. We can go on and on talking and gossiping about people. I’ll tell her how much I miss her and those days spent together as kids. Talking about all the silly mistakes, pranks we played on people followed by hysterical laugh. I’ll tell her about my new life and people I end up spending my entire day with. We’d talk about the ghosts (our favorite topic) would feel sorry for Jiah khan and talk about her mental state. We are psychology students and we love talking about topics/cases related to mental illness and everything about psychology. Things like how some people are the way they are. Well! I can go on and on talking to her for the rest of my life.
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The third person I’d like to chat with is Jiah Khan (added recently) I wish she was alive and I could convince her not to take such am extreme step of ending her life. There are many people who commit suicide so you might be wondering why I chose Jiah. Well! Jiah because I’ve never seen other people. I feel bad for them as well but when you’ve seen someone so beautiful, young and full of life (that’s what it looked like) then you definitely feel bad for that person. If only I could talk her out of this by encouraging her and saying things like everything will be alright and suicide is not a solution to every problem. I’d tell her that break up is not end of life. Everybody at some point in their life has been through break up and moved on. It takes time but you get over it after sometime and being so young she should not give up hope when it comes to relationships and career. She was just 25 and that’s not even half of her life. Everybody has ups and down in life but at some point they learn to cope up. I’d tell her to get out of an abusive relationship because she deserves someone better who would reciprocate her feelings, care for her as much as she did in her relationship. A failed relationship is not end of one’s life. I would give her mother’s example who’s been through this twice and still was strong enough to raise three daughters all alone. I wish I could save a girl with a smile that could brighten anyone’s day.

The forth person I’d like to chat with on wechat is Paulo Coelho. I was not really a big fan of the author before reading ‘Veronica decides to die’ in which he has wrote his personal experiences as well. Its fiction but Paulo did mention that he has spent time in mental hospital. I was fascinated by the author after reading this book. He always wanted to be an author and I’m glad he pursued his dream in spite of being discouraged by parents and other people. He was admitted in the hospital thrice. I want to chat with him and hear about his experiences with other people he referred to as normal. Being a psychology student i love listening about all the disorders and mental state of these people. Paulo was not mad but still he behaved like this just because he wanted to go back. I want to know what was it that made him go back to that place desperately. I would love to hear all about him. How a child who didn’t go to school, was admitted to mental hospital is now one of the world’s famous personality. I want to hear all this from him. I would go in detail and ask him about each and everything he talked about in those four pages.

The fifth and the last person I’d love to chat with on wechat is another author named Haruki Murakami. People say that he’s arrogant and always refuse to give an interview and there’s nothing much about his personal life on Internet or a book written inspired by his own life. I find him very fascinating. His writing is unique and there’s nothing normal about his novels. If I ever get a chance to talk with Haruki Murakami then I would definitely like to talk about how he get these ideas while writing a book. I would also like to talk about his obsession with cats. I’d like to know why the protagonist is always a female in his books and why he portrays each character so disturbed, fascinating and kind of weird who often runs away leaving everything behind. We’ll talk about how and from where he get these kind of ideas for his books. How he comes up with characters like Nakata who have half shadows and have the gift to talk to cats. What happened to Nakata’s other shadow. I want to talk about thousands of things and I’m afraid he won’t have much time for me.

These are the five people I would love to chat with via wechat for hours because I have thousands of things to tell them and thousands of questions related to their personal life. It would be a dream come true if I can talk to all these people I mentioned above.
It was fun writing this post as it made me realize certain things about my fascination and what is it about authors that fascinate me and also the fact that I’m not very expressive and I can improve by saying all the things mentioned above to my family members.

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So, whose fault is it?

I belong to a village and from the community which is famous for honor killings. I’ve seen many child marriages in my village as a kid. I’ve seen 2 year old kids getting married. Ones who just learned to crawl. Some marriages were successful but some turned out to be a disaster. I haven’t seen the one I’m going to write about. This guy from nearby village got married at the age of 4. People those days knew each other well even if they were from different village. He did his schooling from there and moved to town for further studies. A boy who spent his whole life in a village was now in a town. It was not a big town but still he was surprised and happy at the same time after moving there. This guy never left village before so he was surprised to see the girls in college. It was somewhat like a movie thing for him. 2 years and he became smart enough to propose the most beautiful girl in the college. He was good looking and the girl said yes. Having an affair those days was really a big deal. He was besotted with the girl. In spite of being married he proposed her and she said yes because she wasn’t aware that he was already married. Now back in village, family started forcing him to settle as it was his last year in college. He was already married, next thing was ‘gauna’ (not sure if you know the meaning) its when a girl leaves her home to live with her husband and his family. He refused to settle with a girl he got married to as a kid. So, while he was busy dating this girl…the one he married to was shattered when she heard this. She was not educated. The only thing she learned all these years was to cook and do household work to keep her husband and his family happy. She came to know about her husband’s affair but she didn’t say anything. She just wanted him to accept her. Her mother often visited him along with the daughter. They begged, cried but he already decided and there was no way he was getting married to this girl. Girl’s family was aware that nobody would ever marry her now. One fine day she jumped into the well and committed suicide. I don’t know what was the guy’s reaction but I feel he was not guilty for what he did. In fact it was not even his fault. It was the bloody society and the child marriage. Things calmed down after a couple of months and he continued seeing that girl from college. She was from different caste and her brother found out about her affair. She was under house arrest for couple of months. Her father got her married to some NRI. She left the country and moved to London (that was the last thing I heard about her) He started looking for girls in same caste. He wanted a wife, he could take to parties and introduce her to his friends. Finally he met a very decent girl and got married. Its unfortunate that he turned out to be a bad husband. He never let her leave the house alone or talk to anyone except her family. He has 2 kids and his behaviour is still same. He had couple of extra marital affairs after marriage. I can write a book on this man but I wouldn’t want to waste my time in telling people how sick and bastard some people could be. So, it was not just about the society and child marriage, it was about his character as well.

Pain ( from @shaaqt’s book) loved it.

“Pain you are my truest companion,
Physically, you come rarely,
But you torture me through emotion.

You never leave my side
And I keep coming back to you.
In every happy moment of mine,
You have to be there too…..

Sometimes you come to my eyes
And fall out as a teardrop,
And sometimes to feel you my heart cries,
You always bring me to a full stop.

No, I am not complaining,
Because I have no right to.
It’s because of you I live,

Others crib about you.
They all are crazy,
Because they know not how good you are,
We’re meant to be together,
Because I am not me without you….”

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Have you ever been to nowhere?

She was sitting on platform at 1 am with her luggage. She had no clue where she was going or which train she would take. Sitting at railway platform at midnight was not her hobby, it was her hubby who asked her to pack her bags and leave the house, the one he referred to as ours. No, it was not her house. Maybe she already knew that. It was HIS home. They’ve been married for 2 years and these fights were common specially at midnight once he got drunk. The issue started with Hindu Muslim debate and she knew no matter where he picked it from, it would end up being her fault that she was not a good wife just because she thought we all are human beings with same emotions, feelings and all before Hindu or Muslims. The only difference was religion. Anyway, that debate lasted hardly for 5 minutes and he asked her to shut up because he wasn’t done yet with his complains. The same complains she’s been hearing for the past 2 years. Reminding her duties of taking care of him and his family. There were times when he screamed at her and she had no clue what was it about. She knew all about her mistakes and tried to amend them but these things went unnoticed. She cooked hoping that she would get to hear something good. He sensed that and replied that it was her job just like earning money was his job. Finally, once done with dinner he switched on the television and she just said that all Muslims are not same. Well! That was the beginning. For the past 2 years she forgot certain things about herself. She couldn’t recall when was it last when she felt loved or important or a simple hug from anyone reminding her that she mattered and was loved. Just then she heard an announcement, bought her ticket and boarded the train to nowhere.

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Do you have a heart?

Mira reached home early as she was not well today. She got half day leave and left for her place. She was living away from home for work. She missed it a lot specially when she was unwell. Nobody to make a cup of tea, once she reached home. One of those things that she missed a lot but being independent was her decision. She decided not to take money from home just to prove herself. Also, buying drinks from her father’s money was against her rules. Mira got up and made a cup of tea for herself after taking medicine. She heard the phone ringing while taking medicine. She knew it was Avinash calling her to inform that he left early to be with her. She picked up the phone, Avinash asked about her health. She told him about taking medicine. He asked if she needed something. She wanted to say ‘YOU’ but she replied she has got the medicines and was taking rest now. He asked her to call her up if something goes wrong. Mira was disappointed once she hung up. They’ve been going around for 2 years and he knew she was all alone but he was busy drinking with his friends instead of coming to her place. Her eyes were moist and she cried silently missing home much than before but she decided not to call her mother because she didn’t want her to get worried and she was not in mood to hear a lecture about not taking proper care of herself. It was just fever. She knew she was overreacting because of her illness. Avinash was hardly 3 kms away from her place. She checked time in her watch and it was half past twelve. She couldn’t sleep hoping that Avinash might drop once just to check on her. She called him up and he replied that he was home. He could have stopped once while leaving but he didn’t. she knew this was not for first time. Last time Avinash left saying that it was important for him to attend a colleagues farewell. She cried but he didn’t change his mind. He left saying that he would be back in half an hour. He left at around 10 pm. She called him up twice and he replied that he would leave within 15 mins. Finally she heard doorbell ring at 1 am. She was angry and crying all this while so she just turned back while Avinash entered her apartment. He said sorry and also tried to explain that he had some professional responsibilities. Well! Professional responsibilities doesn’t mean that you stay for 2 hours when your girl is suffering from high fever. She showed her disappointment and he left banging the door. She didn’t know if he was the same Avi, she met two years back. Same Avi who often used to talk about setting your priorities right. While thinking and remembering good old days, she didn’t realize when she had fallen asleep. She realized in the morning that her eyes were swollen and she cried herself to sleep. It was 10 and still she didn’t receive any message from Avi. She messaged saying sorry for overreacting last night. Reply- its ok. She wanted to call him and scream, if he had a heart. Maybe, she already knew the answer and his priorities well by now.

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He is NRI. OMG! I’m so happy for you.

Kirti was one of my good friend in school. We used to sit together. She was not very talkative but I liked her simplicity. I was a quiet girl and an average student. Sometimes I scored better marks than Kirti but it never had any impact on our friendship. Finally, we were in 10th grade and got busy preparing for board exams. Results were out and we both were listed in a category where we could opt for science bio/Maths. I opted for biology but Kirti chose arts. I was a bit shocked but didn’t question her. This is how we were separated. We used to meet in breaks initially but then we got busy with our studies. So, we met rarely and didn’t have much to talk about. We passed high school with good scores. I moved out of town to study in a missionary college and she joined some government college. We got busy in our own lives, couldn’t keep in touch and we hardly had anything to talk about anymore. Once I was out of college, I almost forgot about her and applied for Post graduation in other city. I used to visit home once in a while. Till then I was not aware that my father knew Kirti’s family. I heard that she joined JNU (Delhi) and was preparing for IAS exams. I came to know after a couple of months that she cleared the exam and it was been a while since she started working (can’t give details about designation) Father often used to discuss her just because parents have this habit of comparing their kids to others so this was the main reason I often got to hear a lot about her. A couple of events took place in her life after that (don’t want to elaborate) one fine day I came to know that she got married to some NRI who did his MBA from US and was working there. Also, he was from the same caste (most important factor) Kirti continued with her work here after getting married. Her husband often used to call her and assured he would soon move to India, once he gets a job here. Kirti’s job, these talks about his husband moving to India continued and 2 years passed. Finally, kirti lost her patience. She finally took a decision. She resigned and without informing took first flight to US. She wanted to surprise her husband. She bought some gifts for him and flowers while leaving from airport. Little did she know that there was a big surprise waiting for her. She knew the address and gave it to the cab driver. The cab driver stopped in front of an apartment. She realized her heart was beating faster and she couldn’t hide the excitement. Finally, she was in front of the apartment. She rang the doorbell and stood there for a couple of minutes. A lady opened a door. She was a bit shocked. She introduced herself as Kirti Sharma and within minutes a guy appeared from behind. He has put on little weight but Kirti recognized him. He couldn’t react and just stared at her. His kids emerged from behind shouting daddy daddy but daddy was not in his senses right now. Natasha (his wife) had no clue what was going on. Kirti apologized that she got the wrong address and left without turning back. This is about my simple friend Kirti who spent her youth studying, clearing IAS and then lost her job because of some jerk. There are many Kirti’s who get trapped and we often get to hear such things in newspapers. Its common but I had to write because it was about one of my very good friend.

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There is no end to it. Then and now.

Nidhi was very excited today to go to college and collect the mark sheet as she topped this year as well. Now she was a graduate and her parents were proud of her. They had a single child and were very happy with their daughter’s performance as she wanted to fulfill her father’s dream of getting through IAS exams. She took admission in PG and started studying for competitive exams while pursuing her post graduation. Nidhi was life of the family. The house always seemed empty during her absence and her mother always missed those long conversations they used to have over a cup of copy. Now that she was busy preparing for exams and attending all the classes, her mother missed her a lot.
Her father usually came at around 8 and he always wanted to see Nidhi at home before he reached because he felt the same emptiness like her mother did during her absence. Her father was late today and Nidhi was waiting for him while sitting in the balcony. The family followed one rule that if they couldn’t have lunch together, they always made sure to have dinner together and talk during that time.
Nidhi’s father announced that he was leaving next day for some meeting in Bangalore for a couple of days. His flight was at 5 in the morning. Mother and daughter were upset because he didn’t tell them about his plans earlier. He tried to explain that it was an emergency and the guy who was suppose to go canceled because of some reason. Her father told him that he has arranged for a taxi but Nidhi wanted to drop her father at the airport in the morning. He tried to make her understand but then he knew she was his daughter. As stubborn as he was. Nidhi got up on time and her father was ready. The mother waved and she left to drop her father. Her mother was not aware that it was a goodbye while waving at her daughter. They reached airport on time, she dropped her father and he kissed on his forehead asking if he wanted to get something for her. She smiled and said ‘no’ and finally she waved and left for home. While leaving Nidhi decided to take small route via campus which was usually deserted (even at peak hours) and it is one of the biggest campus in Asia surrounded by trees and for once anybody could be mistaken for a forest. she was driving Maruti 800 and while driving she saw a group of 10-15 guys coming from same side as they were out for a stroll but they did notice that a girl was alone in that car. It was too late for her to take a decision. Her mind stopped working when she realized that the guys blocked the road. She was surrounded by some 10-15 boys from hostel. Car was not locked as it was early morning and she never had that fear of insecurity in this town. A well built guy (jat) twice the size of Nidhi pulled her out of the car, took out a knife and cut off her dress, slip and other clothes. Then one by one every guy raped her. They were a bunch of animals disguised as human beings. They were so desperate that they bit her at all possible parts of the body. She was bleeding and flesh could be seen on her breasts and some other parts because of those bites. It was time for their breakfast so they left for hostel without looking back at the girl. I don’t know for how long she lied there (maybe couple of hours) and then at around 9 someone reported to police about the Maruti and girl in the college campus. Her mother was very worried as it was almost 4 hours and she didn’t reach home. Mobiles then were luxury and only rich people could afford it. The police covered the body, called ambulance and sent Nidhi to the hospital while they checked the number on the car and tracked her address. One of the officer dialed the landline and ask her mother to reach the hospital. Her mother couldn’t reply back and hung up on him. She never thought this could happen to her daughter. She was not aware of the rape yet. She was under the perception that her daughter met with an accident and was admitted in hospital. She went to the hospital where she was declared dead. The mother was asked to identify the dead body. Her mother couldn’t react for sometime. Then she went with one of the officers to lodge a complain against those guys. A FIR was lodged and maybe its still lying somewhere in the police station. According to police it was not possible to arrest 15 guys and one of them was a famous guy with connections. The case was closed before the investigation. Nidhi’s father returned back next day and he felt that it was because of him that his daughter was dead today. He would blame himself for the rest of his life instead of those bastards. This incident took place in early 90’s or late 80’s being a part of same university, heard a lot about it. This incident took place some 18 years back. It happens then and it still happens today. Only differnce being that now it happens in crowded places as well. Poor Nidhi and her dreams got crushed because some guys got horny one fine morning. That route is now closed but still the campus looks scary and a girl has to be very careful incase if she is attending the classes regularly. I feel very insecure when I go to the university and don’t see many people around or in the language wing.

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A song written for me :)

Raah dekhte hain hum aapki,

Har subah, har sham,

Har waqt, har lamha,

Sochte hain ke,

Palak jhapke aap ki,

Aur tham jaye sab kuch,

Rukhi si dopahar,

Boondein jab so jaayen,

Nanhi si jhapki lag jaati humein,

Aur aapka khayalon ka naav,

Aa ke ruke hamare dil ki chhor pe,

Sajti hain aap,

Sanwarti hain aap,

Aankhon mein kaajal,

Gaalon pe laali,

Badi tasavvur hai hamari baton mein,

Par kya Karen,

Kyunki aap ki ibadat ke liye,

Toh khuda bhi hai tarasta,

Kab aap mode rukh apna,

Kyunki raah dekhte hum aapki,

Har subah, har shaam

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For how long this would continue?

One fine morning I got up early as usual to study for my exams during prep leave. I was not aware that this day was not like other usual days. I was lying on sofa cramming chemistry formulas and heard a loud noise all of a sudden. I went out and all the neighbors were out discussing/talking about something. Then I saw 2 police jeep while standing in the balcony. I went upstairs for a better view as the place was not that close to mine. From what I heard the story is..Heera lal was on his terrace with a sword in his hand shouting proudly that I killed my mother, wife and son. He kept on repeating these lines. People went there to see him but my mother didn’t let me go. Police arrested Heera lal and I saw him leaving in the jeep from my balcony. Heera lal had one more son named Ashok who was studying in Mt.Abu hostel. Sometime back he called up the principal and asked to send Ashok home on leave but the principal refused because of the exams. He said if Ashok didn’t appear then he would fail and he won’t let that happen. Now the killing of the whole family for me and many others is still a mystery. There were rumors in neighborhood that Heera lal used to visit some tantrik often, made him his guru and used to worship him. It was the tantrik who asked Heera lal to kill his family. I met Ashok after the incident but the kid was normal riding a bicycle. I spoke to him for 5 minutes but couldn’t bring myself to discuss his family. Ashok is now living with the neighbors. Heera lal’s lawyer showed some certificate in the court saying that Heera lal was mentally ill. I don’t know what was court’s decision but that certificate really helped him as far as I’ve heard. Its been long we moved from that place but there are some things that you never forget, one of them being Heera lal and his family.

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The Astrolabe babe

The Astrolabe babe.